Now continuing with my series on how terrible I am at first impressions, I decided to talk about one of the stories I have buried so deep about myself that it's still hard to talk about. It's one of the first impressions that you assholes are going to love because you'll get to laugh at more of my misfortune. I recognize this is the point of my blog but, this story...well I've only shared it with a few people. And yes, this did actually happen.
Now to clarify, when I say important people I don't mean your mom (although she didn't mind my first impression if you know what I'm saying. If you don't, you shall not pass! ... this point in the story because you need to be reading one of those blogs about a cute hippy couple who is having and/or just recently had a baby and feels that everyone in the world should follow their journey through finding vegan baby food and how to get their babies doing downward dogs.)
Anyways, what I mean to say is that by important people I mean famous people. Yes that's right kids, I've met a famous person. Well actually a couple but no biggie. I mean when you find out who it is you're all going to be so jealous because you all know at some point you wish you had the chance to meet him. This story was about our first meeting.
When I was younger, I used to love the show Canadian Idol. All three seasons they could afford to run it because the ratings were so horrible, but that's besides the point. Now on season 2, I fell in love with the man of my dreams. His name? I think you all know it.
Kalan Porter.
Yes boys and girls, I had a crush on the man who won Canadian Idol and I was convinced we were meant to be together, he had just been with all the wrong women. His sweet curls seduced me from the moment he first sang out to the moment he cried after winning. And he was coming to my home town to play a show.
Of course I took this as the universe's sign that we were destined to meet and the moment we did he would fall into a love coma and sweep me away in his half assed tour bus because Canadian Idol could only afford a slightly painted, half renovated school bus for their talent. But no matter! He would make his fortune and I would be Mrs. Kalan Porter. All I had to do was think of the perfect thing to say when I went up to get his autograph. Come at me bro.
So I bought two tickets, of course I needed moral support and a witness in case he wanted a shotgun wedding right then and there due to my sparkling personality and dazzling wit. Which I mean come on, who doesn't want to marry that?
The night had arrived. My friend and I got gussied up, took our Kalan fan material (okay more like my Kalan fan material but she volunteered to take some so I looked less crazed and more... admiring). Anyways, we were off to make my destiny come true. It would be only a matter of hours until I was married to the man who won Canadian Idol.
The show was what was to be expected. I got teary, screamed "I Love You Kalan!" which I'm almost certain he heard my musical voice and it was like finding Cinderella's glass slipper. He had to find which girl owned the most beautiful voice he had ever heard in his lifetime. But, I digress.
After the concert came my moment. The autographs. Now I knew that whatever I said to him had to be organic and I trusted that some higher power would step in with the perfect witty line that would win his heart.
Fuck.
We waited in a line that lasted eternity. And a day. At this point I had screamed to much and I was thristy, but could wait. Kalan was worth any suffering, I would have walked the sahara desert just to see him. Okay...that's to much but I would at least give him the last bite of a decently good piece of chocolate cake.
Finally, there he was. God's light shone around him like he was heaven sent. My eyes hurt beholding his beauty. Still nothing witty came to mind. Alright, I was starting to sweat. It's okay I reassured myself, I am the wittiest person I know! I never, ever do anything that's embarrassing or otherwise!
The moment drew near. We were next. Still nothing. Shit. Expletive I didn't even know yet. Several other words that made me feel better. Fine. Just clear your mind. Using jedi mind tricks we shall pull something out that will wow him.
Kalan: "Hey guys"
Me:*oh shit oh shit, play it cool* "Hey" *good, good one*
Kalan: "how are you guys tonight?"
Me: *here's your chance. Something original, it has to be something, ANYTHING, other than good. Got it* "I'M THIRSTY" *fuck yeah.*
Kalan: "Umm, oh. Better get a drink than? Okay! Pictures! Thanks for coming!"
Moral of the story:
I should never, ever rely on my wit and the luck of the gods ever again.
Now to clarify, when I say important people I don't mean your mom (although she didn't mind my first impression if you know what I'm saying. If you don't, you shall not pass! ... this point in the story because you need to be reading one of those blogs about a cute hippy couple who is having and/or just recently had a baby and feels that everyone in the world should follow their journey through finding vegan baby food and how to get their babies doing downward dogs.)
Anyways, what I mean to say is that by important people I mean famous people. Yes that's right kids, I've met a famous person. Well actually a couple but no biggie. I mean when you find out who it is you're all going to be so jealous because you all know at some point you wish you had the chance to meet him. This story was about our first meeting.
When I was younger, I used to love the show Canadian Idol. All three seasons they could afford to run it because the ratings were so horrible, but that's besides the point. Now on season 2, I fell in love with the man of my dreams. His name? I think you all know it.
Kalan Porter.
Yes boys and girls, I had a crush on the man who won Canadian Idol and I was convinced we were meant to be together, he had just been with all the wrong women. His sweet curls seduced me from the moment he first sang out to the moment he cried after winning. And he was coming to my home town to play a show.
Of course I took this as the universe's sign that we were destined to meet and the moment we did he would fall into a love coma and sweep me away in his half assed tour bus because Canadian Idol could only afford a slightly painted, half renovated school bus for their talent. But no matter! He would make his fortune and I would be Mrs. Kalan Porter. All I had to do was think of the perfect thing to say when I went up to get his autograph. Come at me bro.
So I bought two tickets, of course I needed moral support and a witness in case he wanted a shotgun wedding right then and there due to my sparkling personality and dazzling wit. Which I mean come on, who doesn't want to marry that?
The night had arrived. My friend and I got gussied up, took our Kalan fan material (okay more like my Kalan fan material but she volunteered to take some so I looked less crazed and more... admiring). Anyways, we were off to make my destiny come true. It would be only a matter of hours until I was married to the man who won Canadian Idol.
The show was what was to be expected. I got teary, screamed "I Love You Kalan!" which I'm almost certain he heard my musical voice and it was like finding Cinderella's glass slipper. He had to find which girl owned the most beautiful voice he had ever heard in his lifetime. But, I digress.
After the concert came my moment. The autographs. Now I knew that whatever I said to him had to be organic and I trusted that some higher power would step in with the perfect witty line that would win his heart.
Fuck.
We waited in a line that lasted eternity. And a day. At this point I had screamed to much and I was thristy, but could wait. Kalan was worth any suffering, I would have walked the sahara desert just to see him. Okay...that's to much but I would at least give him the last bite of a decently good piece of chocolate cake.
Finally, there he was. God's light shone around him like he was heaven sent. My eyes hurt beholding his beauty. Still nothing witty came to mind. Alright, I was starting to sweat. It's okay I reassured myself, I am the wittiest person I know! I never, ever do anything that's embarrassing or otherwise!
The moment drew near. We were next. Still nothing. Shit. Expletive I didn't even know yet. Several other words that made me feel better. Fine. Just clear your mind. Using jedi mind tricks we shall pull something out that will wow him.
Kalan: "Hey guys"
Me:*oh shit oh shit, play it cool* "Hey" *good, good one*
Kalan: "how are you guys tonight?"
Me: *here's your chance. Something original, it has to be something, ANYTHING, other than good. Got it* "I'M THIRSTY" *fuck yeah.*
Kalan: "Umm, oh. Better get a drink than? Okay! Pictures! Thanks for coming!"
Moral of the story:
I should never, ever rely on my wit and the luck of the gods ever again.
