Sup bitches?
So, I was thinking of writing about my first week of school. . How I woke up on a towel that the lead singer of a punk band threw at me on the first day of school, how I got a concussion in a bar bathroom, how then I almost got kicked out of that bar for being to drunk. But those are all boring stories.
No, today I share with you another one of the strangest interactions I've ever had with another human being. It's not a very long story, but its probably one of the weirder ones. It took place about a year ago, maybe a little over. Now it maybe isn't on the same level as anal sex guy but at least I wasn't on a date with this dude. Seriously.
It was summer time, the temperature was hot and the pool near our house was open. Plus it had a student deal, which for those of us living on alcoholic cider and jujubes... that's kind of a big thing. So we all got our swimming shit and headed to the pool. Which ironically is called Crystal Pool. At least it'll be ironic by the end of this.
We got changed and got into the pool. We did the typical thing that most university students would do when faced with free swim at the pool. We acted like 10 years on steroids. We jumped off the high diving board. There was squealing, whining and doggie paddling...and that was just the guys. We were having a good ol fashioned time. We may have also jumped off of the high diving board and I may have screamed a little. But I mean, it was really high.
So after we had swam a bit, we decided to hit the hot tub for some serious soaking. Now, the hot tub at this pool is in a little alcove (yes I just used the word alcove...I have officially entered the adult world). This means we couldn't possibly have prepared ourselves for what was waiting for us around the corner.
He had dreadlocks, and was wearing a very small bathing suit. Fine. We all got in and pretended not to be entranced by his banana hammock. Oh and did I mention he was doing push-ups beside the hot tub? Yeah...he wasn't even in the hot tub. I cannot stress enough that the only thing he had on was a speedo and he had nothing else. This is really key.
There we were, caught in this strange place. Him doing push-ups, us trying really hard to be totally okay with this strangely violating experience.
But the best was yet to come.
He then proceeded to get in the hot tub right across from us. And he was staring. Oooookay. I, being me, tried to not look but at the same time made it more awkward. He looked at us, we casually glanced everywhere else but him.
It was then he asked "what are you guys doing tonight?"
We looked at each other in alarm. Then all incoherently mumbled something along the lines of "oh soo busy with all this stuff..." "I'm probably making dinner..." "I have to fumigate my lampshades..." We had hoped that our very clear answer had quashed his desire to make friendly chat.
It hadn't.
Then he was very silent. He stared long and hard at us. We made moves to leave the hot tub. But he wasn't done with us yet.
His eyes bore into our soul and he asked "do you guys wanna see my crystal?"
His hands disappeared under the water and he had a crazed look in his eye. As though from the deepest, darkest, depths of the ninth circle of hell he pulled out a huge crystal and held it up as though it was his sacrifice to the paegen gods of old. Seriously it came from no where.
I don't think I have ever exited a hot tub so fast.
Moral of the Story:
Here's the thing kids. We are all a little weird. Some of us like to eat raw fish, others like to listen to only death metal and some of us even like to make choreographed dances to One Direction when we are home alone... But that is beside the point.
Point is...if you are a scary man who can make crystals appear out of no where just stay home. Seriously.
