Howdy bitches,
Ahhh can you smell it? The freshly sharpened pencils, the crisp dead trees formed into sheets and the ever growing desperation of lingering assignments.
Yes, tis time to say goodbye to the 4 months of summer and hello to the 8 months of the 7th circle hell. I cannot wait. Seriously. Because this blog may have gone to shit had summer lasted any longer (or maybe it already has...or was it ever really not shit?)
Anywho, as the school year begins we all like to reflect back on the memories of summer. The cool drinks, the bikini lines, the sun tan lotion, the inhibition of running free in shorts and a t-shirt and most of all the memories we made and the lessons we learned.
So in honor of this I have complied a list of things I learned this summer. Lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my days. Okay maybe that's an overstatement but at least I'll remember them fondly for about a month.
1. Find a job BEFORE summer begins: Okay so my summer started off a bit rough. I have the worst skills at planning things out. I left my job search until after summer started. Well because I live in a town that is over run with underpaid university students finding a decent job became like finding waldo in a sea of waldos (you know the waldo picture I'm talking about...with all the waldos? But you know Waldo is in there somewhere?). Anyways I spent almost a month applying to jobs. Okay well maybe not EVERY day...but at least every third day I thought about sending out resumes.
2. Put the right phone number on your resume: Now perhaps I may have found a job at least a month earlier if I had actually double checked my resume. I don't know if it's the cavalier sense of "who gives a fuck" in me or just complete stupidity but I figured "Psssh who needs to double check their resume!? Not I! How could I screw up something THIS important on the first try?" Yeah well I did. Fuck me there goes a whole month of resume handing out. I may or may not have cried. And called my mom in hysterics (I'm not really sure what I was hoping she would do in that situation...)But I can neither confirm nor deny those events.
3. Never become so desperate you take the first job offered to you: Okay so I began this summer promising myself I wouldn't work at another coffee shop (yes...I have actually sunk to the classic university student stereotype...being a "barista"). But as desperation began to sink I may have dropped off my resume to a couple coffee shops. Yeah well, I got a call back from one. And it was at the lowest point of desperation. I instantly accepted the position. It wasn't until after I hung up that I realized I was in the same position I had been in the last two years. Oh man.
4. When tanning make sure to apply lotion to all areas in case you want to " Burt Reynolds" on the beach: So I have a friend. He is a great friend and was a part of making the summer great. Now one day boyfriend and I met him at the beach. It was hot and sunny out so we all decided to just lay on the beach and tan. Now my friend didn't really apply sun screen to all the important areas. Then (the following are his words) he "Burt Reynolds" it on the beach. Yeah well Burt Reynolds-ing + the poor application of sun screen = The worst and most hilarious sun BURN I've ever seen. I'm talking one huge red spot right across his stomach. And no where else.
5. When your boss starts acting crazy, get the fuck out: Yeah...all I'm saying is when you start having to work at least 6 days a week and rack up 92 hours in each paycheck because your boss will not stop firing every person who works for her... you should probably run as far away as you can and not continue to work there for 4 months while your soul is slowly being sucked from you. (= really long run sentence).
6. Pick an awesome song that will always remind you of that summer: Not much to say but this
7. Request summer song at every outing: Yeah, my friend and I requested this song at a lot of places (or maybe just one place). And danced to it. Possibly even pulled out moves from the video. all I'm saying is...awesome.
8. Hit up at least one skeevy concert: My roomie and I went to Dirt Nasty. Probably the best concert I've been to in a while. No jokes here. We somehow managed to hold our place in the front row, get our hands licked by Dirt Nasty himself, I witnessed a girl pull off her thong and throw it on stage where Dirt Nasty then proceeded to put it over his face and into his mouth... then sing. WHO IS THIS MAN????
9. Throw a birthday weekend no one will forget: Yeah did that. Even if it isn't your birthday you should just throw a weekend in which you party with your friends the whole weekend and end up in a Dennys wearing sunglasses and no underwear under your jeans. Not saying these events happened, but they totally did.
10. Finally, quit the stupid job you ended up taking. Seriously...don't hesitate on this one. You'll thank me later
Ahhh can you smell it? The freshly sharpened pencils, the crisp dead trees formed into sheets and the ever growing desperation of lingering assignments.
Yes, tis time to say goodbye to the 4 months of summer and hello to the 8 months of the 7th circle hell. I cannot wait. Seriously. Because this blog may have gone to shit had summer lasted any longer (or maybe it already has...or was it ever really not shit?)
Anywho, as the school year begins we all like to reflect back on the memories of summer. The cool drinks, the bikini lines, the sun tan lotion, the inhibition of running free in shorts and a t-shirt and most of all the memories we made and the lessons we learned.
So in honor of this I have complied a list of things I learned this summer. Lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my days. Okay maybe that's an overstatement but at least I'll remember them fondly for about a month.
1. Find a job BEFORE summer begins: Okay so my summer started off a bit rough. I have the worst skills at planning things out. I left my job search until after summer started. Well because I live in a town that is over run with underpaid university students finding a decent job became like finding waldo in a sea of waldos (you know the waldo picture I'm talking about...with all the waldos? But you know Waldo is in there somewhere?). Anyways I spent almost a month applying to jobs. Okay well maybe not EVERY day...but at least every third day I thought about sending out resumes.
2. Put the right phone number on your resume: Now perhaps I may have found a job at least a month earlier if I had actually double checked my resume. I don't know if it's the cavalier sense of "who gives a fuck" in me or just complete stupidity but I figured "Psssh who needs to double check their resume!? Not I! How could I screw up something THIS important on the first try?" Yeah well I did. Fuck me there goes a whole month of resume handing out. I may or may not have cried. And called my mom in hysterics (I'm not really sure what I was hoping she would do in that situation...)But I can neither confirm nor deny those events.
3. Never become so desperate you take the first job offered to you: Okay so I began this summer promising myself I wouldn't work at another coffee shop (yes...I have actually sunk to the classic university student stereotype...being a "barista"). But as desperation began to sink I may have dropped off my resume to a couple coffee shops. Yeah well, I got a call back from one. And it was at the lowest point of desperation. I instantly accepted the position. It wasn't until after I hung up that I realized I was in the same position I had been in the last two years. Oh man.
4. When tanning make sure to apply lotion to all areas in case you want to " Burt Reynolds" on the beach: So I have a friend. He is a great friend and was a part of making the summer great. Now one day boyfriend and I met him at the beach. It was hot and sunny out so we all decided to just lay on the beach and tan. Now my friend didn't really apply sun screen to all the important areas. Then (the following are his words) he "Burt Reynolds" it on the beach. Yeah well Burt Reynolds-ing + the poor application of sun screen = The worst and most hilarious sun BURN I've ever seen. I'm talking one huge red spot right across his stomach. And no where else.
5. When your boss starts acting crazy, get the fuck out: Yeah...all I'm saying is when you start having to work at least 6 days a week and rack up 92 hours in each paycheck because your boss will not stop firing every person who works for her... you should probably run as far away as you can and not continue to work there for 4 months while your soul is slowly being sucked from you. (= really long run sentence).
6. Pick an awesome song that will always remind you of that summer: Not much to say but this
7. Request summer song at every outing: Yeah, my friend and I requested this song at a lot of places (or maybe just one place). And danced to it. Possibly even pulled out moves from the video. all I'm saying is...awesome.
8. Hit up at least one skeevy concert: My roomie and I went to Dirt Nasty. Probably the best concert I've been to in a while. No jokes here. We somehow managed to hold our place in the front row, get our hands licked by Dirt Nasty himself, I witnessed a girl pull off her thong and throw it on stage where Dirt Nasty then proceeded to put it over his face and into his mouth... then sing. WHO IS THIS MAN????
9. Throw a birthday weekend no one will forget: Yeah did that. Even if it isn't your birthday you should just throw a weekend in which you party with your friends the whole weekend and end up in a Dennys wearing sunglasses and no underwear under your jeans. Not saying these events happened, but they totally did.
10. Finally, quit the stupid job you ended up taking. Seriously...don't hesitate on this one. You'll thank me later
